Update, simple as that!

Just another brief update: I hate this job. I've never worked so hard for so little reward bar a pay packet and constant reprimands and reminders that if performance isn't up, then i'm gone...Stuff it, thinks i...

Ok, so that's a bad attitude to have, but the one thing that i can take from this job, is that it's seriously made me question what i want to do with my life. Do i want to be constantly slogging my nuts off for a pittance whilst i've got managers boasting that they're leaving for Saudi in the year, 70k a year tax free.

Sorry to bitch, and i guess be ungrateful. It's just been a very tough week...

In work and loving it: sort of...

Can we ever be truly happy? lol...

Ok, just a update here. Been in the new job for three weeks now and yes, i do like it. The job is ok itself, and something i've done before, but management are neither the brightest or best, and seem to put up new hurdles in the way of doing your job properly every day, which is extremely frustrating, especially as they are also target obsessed and never fail to keep reminding people what their performance is.

Which i could understand in a Sales environment, but not in a manual work environment. Sure, there are those who will always be lazy and will always need a theoretical kick up the arse from good management practice, but this is constant, "our work levels should be higher" which makes it feel as if the management have no faith in you, and add this to the constant goalpost movement and, sadly i hasten to add, it makes me feel sometimes as if there's no incentive to work hard, as it's always gonna be wrong...

Hold on, you might say: "you've been out of work for over a year, surely going back to work and earning is good enough incentive moves?" sure they are, but we are always in constant fear of losing our jobs early.

The contract ends in Feb 2010, but a sad, and strange thing i'm seeing is that if you make silly mistakes, you aren't reprimanded, in the words of Sir Alan Sugar: "You're fired."

No, seriously. The company (mention no names) is so obsessed with rules and targets, that you can be the best car valeter going but failure to dispose of rubbish properly makes you eligible for P45 collection duty in the name of "Health and Safety", but i think it's a acronym for "Hire and Fire", trust me, i've seen it happen. It shouldn't happen, but it does-we all knew we were on temporary contracts but it seems sometimes that the contracts are a bit too temporary...

Will report more soon...

Too much pressure

Way too much. I've always been the sort of bloke to be able to sort out my own affairs but now it really is getting too much. I'm being sent "where's our money?" letters on a semi-regular basis, the letting agent on the property i'm about to move from being a very sharp thorn in my side, with three letters so far. Having moved in to our new "home" me and my Fiance are arguing almost constantly, not directly, but in a way caused by severe lack of money and probably being stuck in a tiny space together.

And the loose ends that need tidying up, there seems to be no fucking end to it all. Address changes, joint benefit updates, the heating in our new home packing up, having to apply for more permanant work, the temp job not starting yet, etc, etc

But trying to sort it all out is a complete and utter fucking nightmare, even the simple bits and it's making me ill and in turn making me irritable and difficult, and more difficult for my fiance to be with me.

How she's put up with me so far is nothing short of a miracle. I make no bones about it: i have been a difficult bastard over the past few weeks with the stress of it all, and if she's reading this, i apologise.

I can put up with the heating not working, that's a minor problem compared to someone coming to pick up some surplus furniture from my old flat. I only wanted a fiver or tenner for it, if that, but i keep getting "ooh, it's not for me-i can't shift furniture, the colour's wrong etc, etc" from local second hand shops, i mean, for fuck's sake?, is it so hard?, i'm virtually giving you furniture that's not tat and you won't even take it?, fucking hell, is this what it's come to?

They keep giving me numbers for Sue Ryder etc, i don't completely mind giving furniture away to charity, i've done it before, but charity furniture collectors have a habit of not turning up (from my experience) and i'm below the breadline, and it galls a bit seeing stuff you paid for being given away and you don't even get the price of a bag of chips for it.

Sorry to gripe-it just keeps me sane...

Countdown to work Part 1...

It's been a eventful past few days after i posted my last message, in fact the day after i posted my last message, my car died, literally-the cambelt snapped whilst driving to meet relatives, destroying the engine and i'm about £150 down financially due to that and it was a real panic time: i had no money to buy another car, none of my family had any spare cash to get another old banger to runaround in and i only had £50 to my name and £30 of that was the money i got from the scrapman for the car.

Thankfully a old mate came to the rescue with a £250 loan, and Neil, if you're reading, thanks again from the bottom of my heart and i am now mobile with another banger which will hopefully last a bit longer than the last one...

Finally got another place to live now, a mobile home. I was a bit weary of this at first, but i've decided not to be so stupid and snobby and just accept it, hopefully i might just even like it!

It was a cheap place to rent, and as a happy ending, me and my fiance are able to live together for the first time in six months. Not so nice is the letter i got from my current letting agent, similar to the one my Mum got in the last posting, but with more of a threatening court action slant...i wish they'd understand that if i could get the money to them any sooner, i would but had to pay for the new place to go to and did try a compromise with the letting agent as you will see on the previous post, and as said there: ho-hum...

Still waiting for the green light to start work, i got a phone call this week stating that it's been put back a bit, and i only hope i'm not being taken for a ride and in all honesty i'm taking advice from relatives about not putting all my eggs in one basket, and i'm going to apply for whatever suitable work i can find in the surrounding area of where my new digs are, but as said, i hope i'm not being taken for a ride, it would devastate me, especially as i trusted them so much.

On a negative work note, my fiance's uncle and cousin both worked for the same major player construction firm, the Uncle for over ten years and both were given their notices this week. I myself thought the building trade was going through some pickup in trade, and i hope they can both find alternative employment. Best of luck lads.

Just also noticed that if it drags on much longer, and i start work next month, it will be a month to the year since i first started this blog, crikey...

Under pressure...

Today, my mum got a heavy letter from my letting agent on the current place i live in, after the rest of the rent i owe, a measly £190. I rang the letting agent midweek to let them know that as soon as i get the money, i'll give it to them, and if not, take it from my deposit at the end of the month when i move out.

So why the letter?, pardon my French but fuck knows. It's just another poxy "where's our money" letter from somebody else, other than those i'm already getting letters from, ho-hum.

I'm just getting bored of it all now. Really bored...

Baby it's cold outside...

It's bloody cold out there. And in here too, in my bedsit as the battered storage heater doesn't seem to work. It's 6am on Tuesday 6th October, i'm wearing a fleece as i type this and this is Shiftswinging!

If i ramble a bit too much i'm also suffering with a cold, and i'm having trouble thinking straight lol!

Actually, it's illness i want to talk about. Since being unemployed last year, i seem to catch every illness bug going, including a very bad cold virus when swine flu was about last time, although i don't think mine was swine flu, but there was a lot of cold and "suspected swine flu" going about at letternumberletter when i caught whatever it was, because i think that's where i got it from, no allegations though!

Illness makes me very anxious and worried, and to be honest i could do without it at the moment with all the other problems that i have at the minuite, and i'm praying that i don't catch the next wave of swine flu that there is supposedly about at the minuite, although i do have the Tamiflu if that happens...

My main worry is what happens if i'm ill when i'm meant to start work?, it's only a temporary job and i'm very worried that if i'm ill they will find someone else and i will be up shit creek without a paddle as everything rests on this job: Getting somewhere to live, clearing debts, getting a new car and paying for Christmas.

It is a bit of a worry, to be frank. Another worry is that i still haven't found anywhere to live. I could go and live with my parents if pushed, but even then i still don't have anywhere to store all my things-i don't have a lot of them, having got rid of quite a few items during consecutive house moves, (and this one is no exception), as storage costs and i have no money...

I've rang around for a few places and you need about a grand up front. In retrospect maybe i shouldn't have handed in the lease on this place, but i couldn't stand it here anymore, i never liked it here to be honest, but that's another story covered in a previous chapter.

Still not started the job yet, this starts in November, preparing ex-lease cars for resale (cleaning, polishing, general valeting etc)

I'm off to bed (well, sofa at least...) to try and get warm...

Good News?...

It's been all quiet on the blogging front this past month or so, and with good reason. I've got a job. Yes, i actually, after months of applying for jobs and getting nowhere, listening to agency waffle, and other poverty related indignities, i finally have a job. A fortnight ago i set myself a target to work really hard, to pull out all the stops, to get employment of some kind, either paid or even voluntary work, and strangely, i did!

I can't really say too much, that would give the game away, other than it's a short-term job in the motor trade, but i'm not complaining as the rates of pay are good and i get to work a shift where i don't get a feeling of jet-lag...(i'm not really a early morings or nights person), so i'm happy.

It would have been nice to have been a permanent job, but that's showbusiness i guess!

Anyway, as said, i'm not complaining. It would be nice to get a bit of money in the house, as i am literally on the bare bones of my arse.

Previous readers of this blog will have noticed that i probably play the poverty card a lot, but it was/is true at the time, but somehow, someway i managed to keep my head above water, well, at chin level at least...something always came out of the bag at the last minuite, (usually selling stuff) but the last couple of months have been extremely hard, this one being the hardest, one problem is that the job does not start right away, and there is another problem: the lease on my flat runs out in the end of October, i don't have any money really to go anywhere else at the minuite, which is a problem.

So i'm skint, have nothing to sell, owe various utility companies a stack of money, and i am homeless in five weeks time. Not a great start.

Maybe it's my own fault, maybe it's not-but it is a problem none the less. I've been ringing various estate agencies but even the most dire places need extortionate deposit and admin fees: would you pay £500 deposit to live in a elderly static caravan?

It's not the fact it's a caravan, and, besides: the rent was cheap enough a month, but there is no way i can afford that off my own back at the minuite, besides, renting bricks and mortar works out strangely cheaper than a caravan when you do the maths...

So that's to sort. One thing i won't miss about being unemployed is the aimless travel everywhere to agencies where jobs don't exist. In fact, i've become a lot tougher and resillient due to this, i hate being tough, but doing the rounds of bad agencies taught me that:

1.) It's a dog-eat-dog world out there
2.) I don't think i like the taste of it...You have to have a hard skin to deal with the BS.

Another thing, i don't think i discovered myself, but i did discover something about me, and that's the fact that i am a small-town boy, i really loathe going to big towns and cities and wandering round as a stranger, not just of the place you've gone to, to look for work, but want of a better phrase, "a stranger of the world..." because that's exactly how i felt, completely alone. I could be a good sixty miles from anyone i knew and 30 miles from my bedsit, in a town where i knew absolutely nobody.

Now, before you think i've lost it, all i'm saying is that i was used to small time rural Lincolnshire life, and after living in and visting some wildly different places in the last two years, and thinking i could take to a sort of sub-Alan Whicker county hopping jetsetting lifestyle, well, the honest truth is that the Lincolnshire is well and truly in this boy, and he thinks that's how he likes it, having tasted the alternatives...

We will just have to see what happens, watch this space...