It's just all that...

I'm going to whinge. I apologise for this but i just wanted to put down how 13 months on the Dole has affected me.

I miss having a Job, i have to be honest and say that all the jobs i've ever had, bar one, and my paper-round when i was 15, were crap. Absolute crap.

But i miss so much not having a function, but what hurts the most is not being to hold my head high when with freinds and relatives (goodbye pride...), having to scrounge, and back out of buying a "luxury" costing more than three quid.

Dole, i think to be honest, is way short of survival money. Although i can just about survive, i really struggle with anything big: buying six months car tax last month was a killer.

And another thing that hurts, which perhaps makes me want to cry the most, is the condescending c***s on internet forums who say that you shouldn't be picky, you should volunteer every spare hour you have, there's work out there for those who want it, all unemployed are lazy Jeremy Kyle addicts who sit around in their pants all day, grow your own veg to save money, when all you want is a DECENT JOB, not a opportunity to land you in more shite by doing something you know deep down you'll be no good at, or another hobby, thanks.

Sometimes the strain feels like Geoff Capes trying to crush your skull with his bare hands, and that's no lie. I do wonder if unemployment is affecting my life and health a bit too much: i don't have a fridge (no money) so any food i have is either dried, tinned or brought hot and fried, so along with the strain of managing life on the dole, i guess this can't be doing my ticker much good.

The worry of who's going to get paid out of all the "where's our money?" letters from utility companies and the like, plus the crap food makes my intestines like a Hoover spin drier at times, leading to sleepless nights.

And i get angry these days, very short and sharp tempered which i worry about getting me in trouble eventually.

It was just something that troubles me, but i'm working on it:-)